As summer fades and the new school year approaches, many children face a range of anxieties, from separation anxiety to social fears. While some nervousness is normal, prolonged or intense anxiety can significantly affect a child’s emotional well-being and ability to succeed in school. Fortunately, there are practical steps that parents can take to ease this transition and help their children feel more comfortable. In this article, we’ll explore common worries children face when returning to school and provide actionable tools for parents to support them through this challenging time.
Understanding Common Back-to-School Worries
Children’s anxiety can manifest in various ways, with the most common concerns being social anxiety and separation anxiety.
Social Anxiety
Social anxiety often arises when children worry about how they’ll interact with their peers. They may fear not fitting in, being judged, or struggling to make friends. Simple tasks like finding a lunch buddy, speaking in class, or navigating new social circles can trigger overwhelming stress. According to a report from the Child Mind Institute, social anxiety is most prevalent among school-aged children, particularly as they begin a new school year.[1]
Separation Anxiety
Younger children, especially those starting kindergarten or transitioning to a new school, may experience separation anxiety. This fear centers around being apart from parents or caregivers, with children often imagining catastrophic events happening while they are apart. Symptoms of separation anxiety include crying, clinginess, stomachaches, or headaches right before school.[2]
Practical Tools to Ease the Transition
While these worries can feel daunting for both children and parents, there are several strategies you can use to help your child feel more confident and less anxious about returning to school.
1. Create Predictability with Routines
One of the most effective ways to reduce anxiety is to establish predictable routines. By resuming school-year routines a week or two before school starts, children can gradually adjust to the new schedule. For instance, start setting realistic bedtimes, selecting outfits the night before, and preparing school supplies together. This helps children mentally prepare for the structure that school brings, reducing uncertainty and fostering a sense of control.[3]
Additionally, practicing the daily commute—whether it’s walking to the bus stop or driving to school—can help children familiarize themselves with the environment, further reducing anxiety through repetition.
2. Engage in Open Conversations
Opening a line of communication is crucial for helping children express their feelings about going back to school. For younger children, naming emotions can be particularly helpful. You might say, “It seems like you’re feeling nervous about starting school. Is that right?”. Validating their feelings shows them that it’s okay to feel anxious and that they are not alone in these emotions.
Older children may struggle with more abstract worries, such as social acceptance or academic performance. Encourage them to share their concerns and collaborate on solutions. For example, if they’re worried about making friends, brainstorm ways to start conversations or suggest joining an after-school club to meet new people.
3. Utilize Relaxation Techniques
When anxiety manifests in physical symptoms—such as a racing heart, shallow breathing, or stomachaches—teaching children relaxation exercises can help. Techniques such as deep breathing, guided visualization, or even listening to calming stories can alleviate some of the tension.[4]
One technique that works well for children is a simple deep-breathing exercise: Instruct them to inhale deeply through their nose for four counts, hold for four counts, and then exhale through their mouth for four counts. Doing this a few times before school can calm nerves and help your child focus.
4. Introduce Gradual Exposure
Gradual exposure to the school environment can ease a child’s anxiety. If possible, arrange a visit to the school before the first day. Walk through the halls, visit the classroom, and meet the teacher. Familiarizing your child with these spaces can help them feel more secure on the actual school day.
Another exposure technique is to gradually increase the time a child spends away from their parents. For instance, practice short separations at home or arrange playdates where your child can interact with peers without your constant supervision. Gradually increasing the time apart helps children build confidence in their ability to handle separation.
5. Use Positive Reinforcement
Children need to know that their efforts to overcome anxiety are recognized. Using positive reinforcement to reward brave behavior can help them feel empowered. This might include offering praise like, “You were so brave going into school today. I can’t wait to hear about all the fun things you did.” Such statements help reinforce that facing fears is a positive, courageous act.
You can also create a reward system where your child earns small rewards for completing certain anxiety-provoking tasks, like attending school without hesitation or talking to a new classmate.
6. Externalize the Anxiety
For older children, using cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) techniques such as externalizing anxiety can be effective. This involves helping the child label their anxious thoughts as separate from themselves. For example, they might call their anxious voice “Worry Monster” or “Mr. Nervous,” giving them a concrete way to talk back to these negative thoughts and build more positive self-talk.[5]
When to Seek Professional Help
While many children will adjust to school after a few weeks, it’s essential to recognize when anxiety becomes more serious. If your child exhibits symptoms such as persistent stomach aches, headaches, or refuses to go to school after an extended period, it may be time to consult a professional. Anxiety disorders like separation anxiety, generalized anxiety, or social anxiety can interfere with a child’s ability to function normally in school and require early intervention.
Therapies such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) have been proven effective in treating childhood anxiety. CBT helps children learn to confront their fears and reframe anxious thoughts, equipping them with tools to manage their anxiety long-term.
The Bottom Line
Navigating back-to-school anxiety can be challenging for both children and parents, but with proactive measures, it’s possible to ease the transition. By establishing routines, encouraging open communication, using relaxation techniques, and gradually exposing children to the school environment, parents can help their children feel more confident and less overwhelmed. Remember, it’s essential to recognize when anxiety requires professional support and to seek help early if necessary.
By approaching the school year with understanding, patience, and the right tools, you can set your child up for success both emotionally and academically.
Common Questions on Managing Back-to-School Anxiety
What is back-to-school anxiety?
Back-to-school anxiety refers to the nervousness or fear children feel when returning to school after a break, often related to social interactions, academic pressure, or separation from parents. It can manifest in behaviors such as clinginess, headaches, stomachaches, or refusal to attend school.
What are the common signs of back-to-school anxiety?
Common signs include physical symptoms like stomach aches or headaches, difficulty sleeping, reluctance to attend school, crying, irritability, and behavioral changes like avoiding social interactions or excessive worrying about school-related situations.
How can I help my child deal with separation anxiety?
To ease separation anxiety, establish a predictable routine leading up to the school day, visit the school before the first day to familiarize your child with the environment, and practice gradual separations to help your child adjust to being away from you. Offering positive reinforcement for brave behavior can also help.
What should I do if my child is nervous about making friends?
Encourage your child to engage in social activities such as after-school clubs, sports, or playdates. Discuss simple conversation starters and suggest joining group activities to meet new people. Practicing these scenarios at home can help them build confidence.
How do relaxation techniques help with anxiety?
Relaxation techniques like deep breathing, guided imagery, or mindfulness can help calm the physical symptoms of anxiety. These techniques allow children to focus on their breathing and reduce the tension they feel, making them more relaxed and able to manage their anxious thoughts.
What is “gradual exposure” and how does it help?
Gradual exposure involves slowly introducing a child to anxiety-provoking situations in a controlled manner. For back-to-school anxiety, this might involve visiting the school before the start of the year, practicing drop-offs, or walking through the school’s hallways. Gradual exposure reduces fear through repetition and familiarity.
How can positive reinforcement help my child’s anxiety?
By rewarding your child for brave behavior, you help them associate positive feelings with confronting their fears. Praising them for small successes, such as attending school without resistance or talking to a new classmate, can boost their confidence and reduce anxiety over time.
When should I seek professional help for my child’s anxiety?
If your child’s anxiety persists beyond the first few weeks of school, or if their symptoms intensify and begin to interfere with daily activities, it may be time to consult a mental health professional. Persistent physical symptoms like stomach aches, headaches, or school refusal may indicate the need for intervention.
What types of therapy are effective for childhood anxiety?
Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) is one of the most effective treatments for childhood anxiety. CBT helps children learn to challenge and reframe anxious thoughts, develop coping skills, and gradually face the situations that trigger their anxiety. In some cases, medication may be recommended alongside therapy.
Can back-to-school anxiety affect my child’s academic performance?
Yes, high levels of anxiety can impair a child’s ability to focus, participate in class, and complete schoolwork. Anxiety may cause children to avoid school altogether, which can negatively impact their academic progress and social development.
How can I prepare my child for the first day of school?
You can prepare your child by establishing a routine before school starts, visiting the school beforehand, and involving them in preparing supplies or picking out clothes. You can also help them practice walking into the classroom or rehearse drop-off scenarios.
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Sources
https://childmind.org/article/back-school-anxiety/
https://www.hbs.edu/ris/Publication%20Files/Rituals%20OBHDP_5cbc5848-ef4d-4192-a320-68d30169763c.pdf
Amjadi, Kimiya. “Exploring Factors That Influence Children's Growth and Development During a Pandemic.” Global pediatric health vol. 8 2333794X211042464. 27 Aug. 2021, doi:10.1177/2333794X211042464
Seligman, Laura D, and Thomas H Ollendick. “Cognitive-behavioral therapy for anxiety disorders in youth.” Child and adolescent psychiatric clinics of North America vol. 20,2 (2011): 217-38. doi:10.1016/j.chc.2011.01.003
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